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One of the great sorrows of growing older is that you begin to realize your limits. I can no longer try out for an NBA team or dream of a professional career in Water Polo. I am simply too old to enter those fields. My body is not as supple as it was and it does not heal as quickly. One of my favorite old TV shows is Married With Children, starring the Bundy Family because it said a lot about the human condition, a lot about dreams. Ted Bundy often looked back at his high school football glory days with longing, and every time it hurts to put on my shoes I do, too. There are limiting factors even in the mental realm. You reasonably can’t graduate at 72 with your MBA and expect to be the darling of Wall St. Medical school is now out of the question because it’s not cost effective weighing future income with the expense of 12 years of college. A growing list of dreams, although within the realm of possibility, is no longer within the realm of acting wisely. It is an unpleasant fact that as you grow older your choices for life simply begins to narrow.
My dreams of becoming a lead singer of a famous rock band are now gone. All those days I spent with my air microphone tossing my mullet around in front of a mirror are over (well, I still am guilty of doing that in my car but that is our little secret). There is enough middle age rock stars around looking for work themselves. I really don’t look that good in spandex anymore, not that anyone ever did, but you can go from bad to worse which I did a long time ago.
When you realize that your life is approaching the halfway point you assess what you have done against what you wish you could do either consciously or unconsciously. There are a million things when we are 20 we say we will do someday and then 20 years later you realize there are fewer “somedays” left than there were. Trips to Disneyworld and New England in autumn are all still possible, but you have to look at all those dreams in the context of cost and timing and you simply cannot do them all. You have to choose.
There is a sobering feeling, a mourning really, when we realize that we simply cannot do with our lives all we dreamed of when we were 20. I may never see a Mountain Lion in the wild, own a house on a lake or sail around the San Juan Islands with wild Orcas splashing the boat. I did drive around the US for 4 months, which was a long time dream of mine, but it took 20 years of hoping and prayer to realize that dream. Even then I still did not get to see all the places I wanted to go. You forget how huge this country is until your view is between the fence posts along 14,000 miles of asphalt. As you grow older dreams get more complicated. Responsibilities grow faster than resources and at the same time dreams never stop piling up in our head. You have to balance your dreams with those of your spouses and children’s dreams. It’s not as easy as it once was.
Some people don’t dream anymore at all. They have had so many broken dreams, and dead ends, and crushing circumstances that they are afraid to dream, afraid of heartbreak. We call them hopeless. I have been there. We need to dream. God designed us that way and although we must leave some dreams behind, if we leave all dreams behind the child in us dies. The Bible says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Prov. 29:18 KJV). Let’s apply that scripture for change in reference to ourselves. Dreams and vision are the same. You can see those who no longer dream by their dour faces as they crowd buses and trains afraid to look anyone in the eye, afraid their broken dreams show.
Not all dreams are good ones. My dreams of being a famous rock musician would not have been healthy for me spiritually. Some people impose their dreams on others, demand that others sacrifice their dreams for their own. Inevitably dreams that should be forgotten but are not often manifest themselves in some form abuse or neglect. Often the most damaging dreams are tied to our own identity. We believe we must accomplish something or our lives are a failure like Ted Bundy’s dream of becoming a famous football player. Those dreams are the hardest to let go yet the most damaging to keep. We need to keep our dreams apart from our identity; our identity is found in Christ alone. Some dreams are not wrong but we need to let others have their dreams like David having to pass his dream of building the Temple to his son. It’s an impossible task in our own strength to keep our dreams in the correct balance and priority, knowing which dreams to keep and which to let go.
God has dreams. His dream is that we would all become more like Jesus. His hope is not for selfish reasons but because our greatest potential and joy is in a life that is imitation of Christ. There are many dreams we have never considered for ourselves that God wants us to experience. Maybe it's Missionary work or a ministry. One dream of mine was for knowing what it was like to be an Apostle for just one day. God fulfilled that dream and it was amazing. We need to dream more of spiritual things for God is able to more than we could ever ask or imagine. The more we imagine the more God will do.
There are a lot of non-Christians with broken dreams and we need to minister to them. Their broken dreams testify to something very important: the knowledge that life should be better. Not all their dreams can find hope in Christ, but they can find new dreams and new hope in him. When sharing the Gospel it’s always valuable to discover the dreams of our pre-Christian friends. God is concerned about their broken dreams and their disappointed hearts. Their broken dreams can be a door with which to share the love and hope of Christ. Often the bankruptcy of dreams is just when people seek God for the first time. There is no greater fulfiller of dreams than Jesus is.
Somebody near you has a broken or unrealized dream. Pray for them, pray that if they are Christian they would realize their dreams, even beyond what they imagined. If they are non-Christian, pray that they would dream of finding true peace and joy, things that can truly only be found in Christ.
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"Responsibilities grow faster than resources"
that is so true.
however, hope remains! when the kids are out of high school, things do change a little.
this is the first August since the late 80s when our budget is not tight because of back to school for the kids. i actually went shopping for myself this year! first time ever, in August ...
good article. the lack of hope is something i notice in people every day. it seems worse than ever, but maybe i'm more sensitive to it, since i'm older.
This was a great article and really speaks to me as someone entering that mournig part of thier life.
One small thing though... Ted Bundy was the serial killer Al Bundy was the dad on Married with Children..
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"Responsibilities grow faster than resources"
that is so true.
however, hope remains! when the kids are out of high school, things do change a little.
this is the first August since the late 80s when our budget is not tight because of back to school for the kids. i actually went shopping for myself this year! first time ever, in August ...
good article. the lack of hope is something i notice in people every day. it seems worse than ever, but maybe i'm more sensitive to it, since i'm older.
Posted by tammy | Posted at 08/23/2006 5:01 AMThis was a great article and really speaks to me as someone entering that mournig part of thier life.
One small thing though... Ted Bundy was the serial killer Al Bundy was the dad on Married with Children..
Posted by Jason Fisher | Posted at 08/25/2006 7:53 AM