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It is true what they reported about me, I had lived a sinful life, my relationships had always been muddled; being the fourth child of six and the second daughter I never felt special, I always felt that I had to fight for attention, and even then I didn’t get much. I don’t blame my parents, my father worked hard to support us, and my mother was plagued with ill health; women’s problems, that is how she described her constant tiredness and her frequent need to retire to the pallet that served as her bed.
As I grew up, as my body changed, I realised that I possessed a rare beauty, my skin was always clear and I am told I possessed an inner glow. My hair thickened up and I wore it in a rope like braid that ran between my shoulders. I was tall but not too tall, and my figure swelled and curved in all the right places. It was during this time that the attention I craved became mine. I would be complimented as I walked to collect water or into the town with my sisters to buy provisions.
My older sister would instruct me to keep my eyes lowered and to take no notice for this was not the kind of attention I should be attracting. I did as she instructed, but my heart leapt at every covert look, every whistle, and every remark. I was noticed at last!
I was just of marriageable age when Dov came knocking at my fathers door, Dov lived up to his name, he was a bear of a man, and had some handsome if chiselled features. He was older than me of course, almost forty, he had concentrated on his business, but now he wanted a wife.
He came to ask for my hand in marriage, and being a merchant was not worried that my dowry was meagre (and that is an understatement). He brought gifts for my father, my mother, and even for my brothers and sisters. For me he brought gold earrings and bangles. My father was dazzled, and encouraged me to look upon this union favourably, I didn’t really need that much encouragement, the riches and the lifestyle Dov offered were enough for me and we were soon married.
For many years we were happy, even through the sadness of realising that I was unable to bear children we remained devoted to one another, but then Dov became ill, and though I nursed him I craved attention again. That is when the affairs started, my beauty had not dimmed, and I could still attract attention with a toss of my head even though my hair was now dressed properly as a married woman’s should be.
It seemed like fun at first, harmless fun, fun that met my bodily needs for attention. But the guilt soon set in, and I began to feel like two people, the loving wife by day, and the harlot by night. It wasn’t long before I hated myself. When Dov died aged fifty two the guilt consumed me, it was my fault, I hadn’t loved him or cared for him enough, I’d been selfish and self seeking. I soon plunged into a pit of despair; and the only place I could find forget was in the arms of another, and so confident of my barrenness I continued to open my bed to anyone who would give me attention.
Soon though even these liaisons were not enough to make me forget, and I began to hate the men as much as I hated myself, this attention was only skin deep and so fleeting that it could not satisfy the hunger that was burning in my heart and soul.
It was during this dark time that I heard of Jesus, covering my head I walked for miles to hear him speak. He spoke of God’s love and God’s ways with such power and passion that something in me broke and something else awoke at the same time. For the first time in years I was honest with myself about what I had become, honest with myself about the rumours that whispered of my lifestyle, honest enough to hear my families warnings and criticisms. But there was more, for I reasoned with myself that if God was as compassionate and forgiving as Jesus had said then surely he would forgive me, surely he could help me to change. So I prayed for the first time in years and as I did I felt love and joy flood into my soul like a cascading waterfall, not only did it fill me but it cleansed me, and I knew that I was truly and fully loved.
You’ll understand then why I had to find Jesus, why I had to thank him for setting me free; and so when I found that he was eating at Simon’s house I threw all caution to the wind. Grabbing the jar of perfume that Dov had given me I rushed through the streets, burst through Simon’s door ignoring the gasps of shock and threw myself at Jesus feet. I wept and wept, tears of repentance mingled with tears of joy. I let down my hair then and began to wipe my tears from his feet and as I did I poured the perfume over them filling the room with an exotic scent. Poor Simon nearly choked on his rage;
“Don’t you know what kind of woman this is…” he spat his words at Jesus…” surely you are aware of her sins…”
Jesus looked gently at Simon, and resting his hand upon my shoulder he spoke:
"Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker cancelled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?"
Simon answered, "I suppose the one who was forgiven the most."
"That's right," said Jesus. Then turning to me, but speaking to Simon, he said, "Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn't quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn't it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal."
I thought Simon was going to explode, but then Jesus turned and spoke to me directly, “your sins are forgiven,” he said, simple as that, and suddenly I knew that I was in the presence of more than a good teacher, or even a prophet. I was in the presence of God himself. God was resting his hand upon my shoulder, and God not only forgave me, but loved me.
Today I am a changed woman; the constant hunger for attention is gone for I am loved and counted worthy by God himself. I now use my time and energy to help others, there is so much need in this town, so many people who need to know God’s love, especially the girls, maybe most especially the pretty ones. So I don’t hide from my story I tell it, and although it raises eyebrows and created a scandal the first time I told it, I know it helps others, and so I will continue to tell of the day I was touched by the love of God whose love went more than skin deep….
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