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Church staff concern
  • John2011John2011 January 15
    Posts: 7
    Hello,
    I am a Children's Ministry Coordinator at a church. I LOVE the congregation and my coworkers. I love my families. However, I have a very difficult time working with the Pastor. Her enormous work-load and perfectionistic standards have helped to revitalize a dying church. One thing she did a couple years was to hire me part time to build up children's ministry. I have done that. I now realize some of the damage she has wrought in doing what she has done, though. She has set up an us vs. them dichotomy in the church. Obviously she is very politically savvy when working with what she terms the old-guard. However, she surrounds herself with people who agree with her and drowns out dissenting voices. She takes great offense at people criticizing her grand vision. Now that I have done what I have done for the church, I no longer feel that she sees me as such a useful part of the church's longterm plan. She treats me as a pawn to do her bidding on behalf of the children and volunteers. Several congregants and staff have shared with me similar concerns and there is an unhealthy rumbling in the congregation about the pastor. The pastor has a vindictive streak and will strike out at those who she feels goes against her.

    I plan to resign in May. However, I don't want to leave these families and volunteers I have built such amazing relationships with. At the same time, though, I can not work with this pastor.

    Any suggestions?

    Thanks!
  • MJG791MJG791 January 16
    Posts: 261
    Hi John.

    Welcome to the ooze.

    I'm about to go to bed, and will write more in the future...but I found your thoughts very interesting...and I think there will be an interesting discussion following.

    Enough + Gratitude = Abundance
  • joughjough January 17
    Posts: 1,526
    @john2011, Welcome sir! You are in good company here at the Ooze.
  • ringnutringnut January 21
    Posts: 1,616
    Hi John;

    You are definitely not alone here, yours is a sad and all too familiar story.

    Since you are asking for suggestions, mine would be to follow your plan and leave, painful though it may be. Speaking from personal experience, a pastor who has allowed their ego to become their master will not change or back down without an ugly and devastating fight. The friends you have made - if they are good friends - will remain so and your relationships may even move to a new level through this trial.

    Keep us in the loop, OK?
    'Never underestimate what god can do with really shitty materials.' Robin V
  • MargeryMargery January 21
    Posts: 1
    Hi John, I really feel for you. Sadly, it is a very common situation. I too would say that the best thing to do is to leave. If you can, before you leave, just quietly and patiently and without rancour, explain to your pastor why you are leaving. Then pray alike mad for the church and its pastor - and for yourself.
  • GaladrielGaladriel January 23
    Posts: 12,293
    I agree with Margery and Ringnut - leaving is the best option.

    I don't know if it would be a good idea to explain to the pastor why you're leaving, though. It doesn't sound like she'd be open to constructive criticism. (Although I really hope I'm wrong about that!)

    "She takes great offense at people criticizing her grand vision."

    Once again I hope I'm wrong here, but if you do talk to her about your concerns before you leave be prepared for your words to be twisted.

    Gossip is a terrible thing.
    On the Other Hand.
  • MJG791MJG791 January 23
    Posts: 261
    I think the only way to leave a place with a positive memory is to not talk about anyone, positively or negatively. Don't set up a team or a camp. Just say you're leaving, moving on to new possibilities where God is leading you, and that you ask for their prayers as you discern what God has in store for you and your ministry/family/life, whatever.

    As a leader, when you leave, you will not be as loved and revered as you think you ought to be, nor will you be hated or disliked as much as you may deserve.

    I don't know where I got that quote from but I've always found it quite humbling.
    Enough + Gratitude = Abundance
  • John2011John2011 January 29
    Posts: 7
    I should have stated in my original post that my pastor knows of my intentions. I made them known back in September.

    Many of the concerns I have now, now that this line has been drawn, are my issues to resolve personally.

    It is hard for me to know that when I leave, I am ultimately handing full control of the program back to the pastor-- who I do not see eye to eye with in terms of mission, goals, and vision.

    It is hard for me to know that these families I care so much for will be served by a pastor who I have some animosity towards. However I also know that the nature of their relationship with her is different than mine as an employee.

    Why is it, as several of you have said, that pastor to staff relations can be so tenuous? Is it because the nature of the church is so different than that of any other institution?
  • GaladrielGaladriel February 1
    Posts: 12,293
    That's a great question.

    I'm going to think about it for a couple of days and get back to you.
    On the Other Hand.
  • GaladrielGaladriel February 3
    Posts: 12,293
    Ok, a few tentative theories on the issue:

    1. Often there isn't any sort of overseeing body that a pastor and/or congregation can turn to for mediation when there's a conflict or miscommunication.

    2. The stakes are high. Everyone involved no doubt believes that they are doing what god wants. So what happens when person X's interpretation clashes with person Y's?

    3. Lack of training. Often - but certainly not always - people become pastors without any sort of formal training on the Bible, counselling, psychology or social work. And yet they're expected to be experts on theology, counselling or how the human mind works in the average person (not to mention in someone who is struggling with his/her mental health.)

    Thoughts, anyone?
    On the Other Hand.
  • ringnutringnut February 4
    Posts: 1,616
    Part of the reason for this tenuous relationship you describe is due to this idea Christians have that there isn't supposed to be conflict. We are all supposed to be standing shoulder to shoulder in loving harmony building the kingdom of god. When personality clashes inevitably happen, we think something is terribly wrong, when really it's very natural and normal. In a business relationship, we would just shrug our shoulders and carry on, but when it happens in the church we are devastated.

    Then of course, there is the powder-keg called 'god's will' and who owns it. When someone adds 'thus saith the Lord' to their own vision - well - it's an invitation to conflict, imho.
    'Never underestimate what god can do with really shitty materials.' Robin V
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